party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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