My girlfriend figured out who you are.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
