the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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