If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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