i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
