a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
