I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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