her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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