i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
