we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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