she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
