well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
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