Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Randomize
