When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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