question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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