Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
