she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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