So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Green mimosas i think yes
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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