Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
