I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
