how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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