Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
