she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
i now understand why vodka
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
