i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
