So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
