If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
