i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
