just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
