I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
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