I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
