I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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