i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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