you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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