Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
