Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
