U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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