Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
