This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
