Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
do nipples grow back?
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