She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
