in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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