I can feel you judging me through the phone.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
