Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I am midnight drunk by noon
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
