So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
