now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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