DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
