the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
