lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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