State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
