I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
