had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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