Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
