I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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