But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Randomize
