and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
