Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
