I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
