Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
