Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
