'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
